The last few months have been a roller coaster of emotions. I've had a brother-in-law die, a friend die, a great-nephew born, a friend adopt a child, and friend's son die unexpectedly. J's birth and K's adoption are bright spots to keep returning to and rejoicing over.
I still look back on our failed adoption and reflect on what happened. It was just this year when we really have been able to sort the whole thing out and I finally have peace. I can now look forward and wonder if there is a child for whom God is preparing us.
I also recently learned that a friend is expecting a baby. It was a not planned, but totally gifted from the Father. For the first time in a very long time I had that familiar ache in my heart. I felt a sudden pang of jealousy that I was able to quickly send away. I am truly happy for her and can't wait to see her new baby. It also made me begin to think once again, if I am supposed to be searching and preparing a place for a child to join our family.
For the past two days I have been looking at the faces of children trapped in orphanages overseas. Some at the same orphanage from which K was rescued (visit Reece's Rainbow to learn more). I have been praying for the children and the parents that they will one day call their own. I've restarted the old conversations with the Lord that He and I have had many times. Only he knows the answers to my questions.
So now I wait and pray, and know that I'll be fine no matter what because I have a Father who knows what I need.